Apr 14 2009
Sometimes I wish I were White
But I am not White. I am a Father, I am a husband, and I am a well educated Black Man! I’m not one to make excuses, nor do I want sympathy. To tell you the truth, I am just sick and tired of the S*** that goes along with being a Black man in America! I’m not here to blog about what has been wrongfully done to me throughout my life, I just feel like I have a lot on my chest that I need to express. I believe that the toughest job in America is being a Black Man.
Yesterday night my wife and I had a lovely dinner without the kids at our favorite restaurant Pappadeaux. We left around 10:00 pm and it only took us about 10 min to get home. Now I am only 25 and I drive a 2008 Black Chevy Colorado with tinted windows (legal limit), 24” inch Rims, and Custom interior. Very nice looking truck! Now as I was pulling into the driveway at my home, which I purchased, I noticed the loud siren and the bright flashing lights of the police behind me in my driveway. I calmly grabbed my license and insurance to provide the officer with. And then out of nowhere he yells, “Keep your f***ing hands where I can see them.” Now I’ve been in this situation a ton of times and every time, in the back of my mind, I say to myself, “I wish I were White”… He proceeded with escorting me out my vehicle cussing at me telling me to shut up as I try and ask whats going on. As I was being searched my neighbors, my wife, and worst of all my kids witnessed everything that was going on. I don’t drink nor do I do drugs so I didn’t know what was going on. Now when the police officer searched my pockets he pulled out about $800 in cash and immediately called for backup, never once explaining to me what was going on. The only thing he kept asking me was, “Were is the Dope.” I tried to explain to him that I have no Dope and he would just replied, “shut the f+++ up.” Wow, I wander if this would have happened if I were white. Now its 4 police cars with there lights still on and in my driveway, searching my vehicle, tearing up my interior and dash board. After the search, which they found nothing, only one officer had the common cutesy to apologize for the treatment I received. And he was the only Black police officer there on duty.
As soon as I got into the house I called my mother, as i was very upset! Her advice to me was that I need to stop dressing like a thug and to take the rims off my truck. She said that, “I am only making myself a target by the way I look.” Wow!
Why should I have to live outside of my comfort zone to please people who judge me or dislike me? I work hard everyday so that I can buy the things I feel comfortable in or around. As I write this blog tears come to my eyes as I think of all the times I have been treated wrong because the way I look! I can’t help the way I look, this is the way God created me in his image. I feel that no one believes in me…. but me! White America always speaks about the growing equality for all the citizens of this country. However, the truth of the matter is this: the more melanin in your skin tone, the further away from parity you are.
Now who am I supposed to tell when I have a situation? I must swallow my pride and take it. Racial profiling is just another form of oppression for Black Men! I will be OK because I serve the Lord above. Whatever has been done to me in my past will only make me stronger! But with that said I still don’t understand why I am hated by so many people I don’t even know. What if I were White?
I’m not one of those dudes that believe the world is out to get me and I dislike White America. I have many friend that are white, but they as well seemed to judge me before they got to know me. But I am gratefull that we are were we are, and not where we used to be! Would love to here feedback this only my first blog!!!
There’s thug profiling too. Think about what your mother said. She said to change the way your vehicle looks.
In my town, the rumor is that all the fancy black cars belong to drug dealers. That’s profiling by the ignorant, but it happens.
You are probably feeling defiant because you want these symbols of your success. I don’t blame you.
I have a T shirt, black with a skull dressed up in a fancy hat on the front. On the front it also says “Sisters In Crime San Diego” in both Spanish and English. Sisters In Crime is a legitimate organization of writers who promote women writers in the mystery field. It has nothing to do with gangs, but I see Spanish women keep their distance from me.
I don’t look like the gang type: overweight, grey headed, and a few years over 50. I wear the shirt now and then, but my pleasure in wearing it is lessened by people’s reaction to it.
So, my advice to you is to listen to your mother. You have a right to be proud of being an upstanding man, a good husband and father. But, because of your color, you’ve got to think of these other things, the ignorant profiling. I can’t change it, but I’d like to.
Maxie
You made me think. You’ve been awarded the Let’s Be Friends award. If you choose to participate, check out my site for the rules.
Maxie
bhamstyle,
I have been debating blogging on this site, therefore I decided to check out some others blogging and came across yours. I hope what I am writing will help give you another perspective on what you are going through. Let me know what you think.
I was raised to not see color and have always raised my children to do the same. People say oh, that is not possible, I disagree it is possible. Does that mean we are without judgment? Of course not, we’re human, we all have personal preferences that attract us to certain people. I want to tell you a little about my story and I hope it will help you see things from a different viewpoint.
I am a white 35 year old, mother of 4 (19,18,17 & 14). You say why does the age of your children matter? If you notice I was only 16 when my first child was born. I fought so hard to beat the teenage mother stereotype which is typically; on welfare, uneducated, unmarried and a general drain on society. I always strove to project myself much older than I was, to the point I lost the ability to view things in a youthful perspective. I did not have anyone to help me with daycare so I could finish high school. I got my G.E.D. and went to college, pregnant with kids in tow. I also was determined not to marry the father of my oldest daughter, just because I was pregnant, so I didn’t. I married him because I loved him, and we have been married for 19 years. People said it wouldn’t work, we were too young. I can also remember people who worked for my high school telling me I would never be able to achieve anything because of having children and being married so early.
To this day I still have to deal with this prejudice, I get snubbed, because of a decision I made at 15 years old. I have done everything early, I have had and sold several successful businesses, and had some colossal failures. No one ever handed me anything, I worked my butt off for everything, yet I would never change any of my choices.
I also deal with another prejudice everyday in the business world, because of being female. Like you not being able, nor wanting to change the color of your skin, I cannot change being female. Men do not judge me based on my intelligence, skills, or success, but make immediate judgments based on my sex. I have had to work harder, make bigger accomplishments and gotten paid less than my male counterparts.
Why do I tell you all this? Because, people can choose to be so ignorant. They make snap decisions based on stupid stereotypes, prejudices and quirky hangups all the time. Just being white hasn’t made all the difference, it’s based on my attitude and drive. I have never let them stop me, as it sounds like you haven’t either.
I do however have some strong advice for regarding your treatment by the police. Take a stand! You, your wife and children were violated. Your basic rights as a human being were violated. Take color out of it, you will get farther. I personally believe, too many human rights violations get over looked, because people bring color in, when it cannot be absolutely proved. We can all assume that is why, but unless they came out and said it to you, you don’t really know what they were thinking. So don’t make it about that, make it about how you were treated. I also suggest looking at the officer who apologized to you differently. I think if you look at his apology from the perspective of he realized you were being ridiculously violated, and felt ashamed.
I think that people who say that equality is becoming exactly that, equal, are out of touch. We have come a long way in basic human right, but we have a long way to go.
Now from a mothers perspective. I do understand your mothers advice. Whether we like it or not, people judge us everyday based on how we are dressed and what we drive. I talk to my kids about it everyday. My 18 year old son has grown his hair out, and like it or not employers look at appearance. He’s had a problem getting a job, and I think it has a lot to do with his hair, it’s just how it is sometimes.
Continue to stay strong. I hope you will give my words some thought. Stand up for yourself, you were violated as a human being. Remember, people are always going to judge us based on something, we cannot control those judgments. The only we can control is how we respond, and our refusal to allow their ignorance and judgments to bring us down.
Thanks for your reply. I am new to blogging so I you have any tips available please let me know.
bhamstyle,
Me too. Writing, a verteran, blogging,a newbie. I was admiring how your article was so available. How did you do that?
I must tell you that you really inspired my first blog on this site. If you couldn’t tell from my response I have very strong feelings about how we treat each other. So my first blog was “Accountability for Prejudice Today”. I need to edit it down, too wordy. If you get a chance check it out, let me know what you think. I probably won’t have a chance to edit until later.
creative411.today.com
Good Luck. I look forward to reading your future blogs.
Erika